School is out!

I have to say this is a frankly anticlimactic climax to 12 years of full-time schooling: no teary goodbyes, no prom, no party, no speeches (by the way, this is a very interesting and relevant speech which articulates a wise ethical perspective in a clear, humorous way) - which means, unfortunately, that I had no occasion to wear a silly dress and pathetically high stiletto heels. It felt pretty much like any other day. 

I feel happy school is over (well, let's pretend there aren't exams...). First of all, I know I have worked well throughout my education, and this gives me an inner sense of calm satisfaction that doesn't require outside recognition or compliments for it is based on the progress I sense within myself and in my knowledge and communication with the outside world.

I am very lucky to be in a position where I no longer need to worry about my future for the next three or four years, because everything is set already. And it is exactly what I had dreamt of, believing at the time it was a wild fantasy. The end of classes has made next year - with the biggest change in my life up to this moment - seem more real, because there is only the Summer between me and University. However, as it is so hard to imagine my life come October (me + University = ?? - I can picture a girl who looks like me living on her own in Oxford, but that scenario changes the girl into someone who does not seem to be me), the Summer seems an infinite extent of long sunny days with a kind breeze coming from the sea and bringing with it a serene and complete joy of the senses, a feeling of being alive and embodying in myself each second that passes. 

I don't feel nostalgic at all about school. I felt relief when I walked out, knowing I will never again have classes there. I suppose I never felt at home at school. Actually, the space and the faces I saw were always alien to me, unknown and seemingly unknowable, and thus often made me uncomfortable. It is liberating to know that it is all over now, and that my mind will cherry-pick the beautiful memories and inspiring people I met there, and allow me to forget the dullness and restlessness of most days, and the people who never meant anything to me. I am happy about my life, but I believe there are much better things in store for me, and that I will be wise enough to appreciate them.

And I can now breathe in deeply, feeling the body I am and the outside world in harmony, and perceiving only future through that warm Summer mist. I am moving ahead.